Are you married? Then this post may be slightly sadistic in nature for you (because it will remind you of all the stuff you go through on a daily basis). But, if you’re unmarried, it might just be a little educational!
Different people have different versions to give when asked to describe the institution of marriage. But there are certain universal commonalities that no one can escape. We list down the process from being happily single to being, well, married.
If you’re single, you’re fabulous. ‘Nuff Said.
#MarriageTip: Just don’t get married.
Man, you’re still single. And happy. Look at you going at it! Only if you knew what lies ahead…
#MarriageTip: You still have some time. You can still make it stop. DON’T DO IT!
Well, you’ve done it. We warned you, but you’re crazy, and your spouse is crazy. The entire world is crazy. And no, married couples DO NOT jam to Pharrell William’s Happy together. EVER.
#MarriageTip: DO NOT attempt to sing Happy in the shower by yourself, while your spouse can hear it.
A big change after marriage is sharing the bed with your spouse every night. Yes, that lovely King Size bed of yours. But guess what, you’re married, and you’re not the king any more. Also, you’re not allowed to fall from your own bed.
#MarriageTip: Must you fall, make sure you plan the event well in advance.
There will be snoring. Lots and lots of snoring.
#MarriageTip: Don’t snore. Even if it means sleeping with a clothes-peg attached to your nose. Or not breathing at all.
Both of you will have a lot of long, intense headaches. “Not tonight darling” will be on loop in your mental and verbal system.
#MarriageTip: Have fewer headaches, because they are the ONLY way to make some use of that little bed space you have left.
Having said that, don’t forget to use contraceptives.
#MarriageTip: Seriously, DO NOT forget to use contraceptives.
Yes, yes, it is. But don’t worry, it’s sterile. Finding your private place of peace intact and the way you like it may not be the case any longer.
#MarriageTip: Guys: Put that toilet set down. Girls: Learn to deal with and accept leftovers as part of you life.
Your wife will show you her true self after marriage. But don’t be scared. Because this is just the beginning.
#MarriageTip: WHATEVER happens, never blame your wife for it. Never.
You will find yourself asking this question all the time. But don’t expect a reply. At least not one that makes sense.
#MarriageTip: Just save yourself a lifetime of trouble by not asking this question.
You’ll suddenly realize that being married does not equal two consenting, loving adults being together for the rest of their lives.
#MarriageTip: Don’t let ‘love’ be a reason for your marriage to survive. It’s just not enough.
But then this miracle happens. But don’t be fooled. It’s just how you behave in public. It’s all an act.
#MarriageTip: Just go along with it. It’s the best you can do for everyone’s safety.
And by the end of it, you just start tolerating each other. Maybe even grow into each other. And start looking like each other.
#MarriageTip: Get married at your own risk, please. Because we wrote this blog post, we have evidence that we warned you.
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